Have you wondered why communication is so difficult, but you just aren’t sure what to do about it?
Does it feel as though you keep encountering the same arguments about the same topics over and over again?
Do you question if there is some deep-seeded relationship material that keeps you or your partner stuck?
Being in a loving relationship is your birthright. You were born to be loved.
And yet, as you’ve probably figured out, it’s one of the hardest things to get right.
We are a walking nervous system (each of us) reacting to life’s ups and downs.
Because of this, we can be difficult for the person who we keep closest to us.
In essence, it’s likely, at times, you perceive your partner as annoying, frustrating, confusing and generally a pain in the butt. And that fact is the hardest part to admit to each other and then learn how to proactively deal with each other.
Just think of watching your parents while growing up and how they interacted. Or think of trying to get along with a particular sibling. Or even a close friend.
You love them dearly. And yet, they can get on your nerves. They say or do things that hurt your feelings, frustrate you or confuse you.
You want to love them… If they would just stop being so annoying! If they would just do what you want and stop hurting you.
SO…
How Can I FEEL SAFE in this Relationship?
ANSWER: Form a “Secure-Functioning” relationship where you know how to be an Anchor for each other when there is upset or distress.
The secure-functioning couple relationship is a system formed on the principle, I know how to take care of you and you know how to take care of me.
However, in our deepest, primal brain, we are hard-wired from a threat-response stance. Therefore, in many relationships, the mind can interfere and create a hostile, or seemingly unkind, response system to each other.
In your session, I’ll help you understand your partner in a way that is more reliable and more conducive for long-term couple health.
I’ll help you build a clear owner’s manual for both you and your partner so that whatever state or mood you are in, your partner knows how to regulate your nervous system. And vice versa.
When they do this for you, you’ll feel safer. They will feel like a hero (and stop guessing how to help you) and you’ll begin to understand, at a deeper feeling state, that you can trust her/ him/ them.
In a PACT Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling Session…
We will learn to:
- Experience more connection and safety.
- Know how to shift from habitual conflict.
- Make choices that invite more humor, honesty and humility.
- Be playful and discovery-orientated, becoming TEAM players.
- Read our partner and help them regulate their nervous system.
- Stay attuned emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually and sexually.
- Put our partner’s happiness and safety first and reap the rewards.
- Make conscious agreements about what our relationship stands for.
- No longer threaten the relationship. Or threaten each other. Ever.
- Protect each other in public and in private in our words and actions.
- Repair mis-attunements (triggers, reactivity and conflict) quicker.
- Express hurt when it happens and accept our partner’s help to relieve it.
Read More About PACT – the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy
